ScoobyDoo Ain't Got Nothin' on You
by TheBlueFoxtrot A Samba
Summary: Little is known about Artemis. So when she starts acting odd during a mission briefing, Robin and KF set out to prove their theories, win a bet, and pull off a successful mission with hilarious results. Co-written with DreamRabbit
1. Crime Lords, Jaded Archers, and Bets

**Title**: Scooby-Dooby-Doo Ain't Got Nothin' on You

**Summary**: Little is known about Artemis. So when she starts acting odd during a mission briefing, Robin and KF set out to prove their theories, win a bet, and pull off a successful mission.

**Author**(s): TheBlueFoxtrot a Samba and DreamRabbit

**Prompt**: ULTIMATE COLLABORATION CHALLENGE! – short shorts.

**Disclaimer**: After much consulting and debating, I will admit that technically, I, Blue, for the most part, in accordance and context to the laws of reality and the facts of life verbatim do not in any way, shape, or form that can be physically, chemically, or naturally proven own D.C characters or short shorts in any noteworthy capacity. This fact extends also to my co-author, DreamRabbit. Although I can't be too sure about that second item…

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><p>When Batman was briefing the team for a mission, the only person who talked was Batman. It wasn't a rule exactly, it was just... common sense. Everybody knew that. Even Wally. Questions could be asked and comments were allowed, but everyone usually waited until the end. One also did not move, and breathed quietly. That part was the intimidation factor.<p>

That was why Artemis's squeak was so easily heard and seemingly echoed in the high-domed room. The sudden exclamation from Artemis brought a surprised look from the rest of the team. The Dark Knight gave the impression of asking a question without moving a solitary muscle.

"Sorry, I meant... where in Spain are we going?"

Batman turned back towards the computer screen outlining the parameters of the team's mission. "Madrid."

Artemis very visibly flinched, as if someone had dumped a bucket of cold water on her, and her eyes went wide.

"Your target is this man:" Batman continued and pushed a button, displaying the image on the screen changed to one of a reasonably fit man in his early forties wearing a fine suit, with a swarthy complexion and a broad toothy smile. "His name is Philip Ambrosio. Officially, he's just a prominent local businessman. Unofficially, he's the head of a criminal cartel responsible for almost all of the cocaine and heroin in the country. He spends a fair portion of his drug money on buying politicians and bribing police chiefs. That along with his occasional staged shows of philanthropy has made him both politically untouchable and extremely popular in the region. So popular in fact, that he is known locally as 'King Philip' –"

The civvie-clad archer made a sound of disgust and distress, something like a strangled whimper. Batman _stared_ at Artemis. His expression didn't change in the slightest, and yet, somehow, the whole room suddenly became much tenser.

"Is this going to continue to be a problem?"

To her credit, she stared right back and said simply,

"No."

Batman continued to hold her gaze until she blinked then went on with the mission briefing.

Next to her, Wally couldn't help but grin a little and cast a speculative glance Artemis's way. What was wrong with Roy's evil 'replacement' today? The noises she was making couldn't even be described. The last thing hadn't even been a word! Just a sound. And the look on her face! That irritating gaze of smug confidence? The sneering curl at the edge of her upper lip? The small annoying smile she usually wore, that one that just seemed to scream 'I'm smarter than you'? Gone, gone, and _gone_. Instead, she looked pale and dismayed. Vulnerable. Perhaps, even a little...afraid.

It. Was. _Awesome. _

Then again, she could be sick with something. Something gross and contagious. Wally found himself seriously hoping for the former rather than the latter and edged away from the disturbed girl, ever so slightly.

"Recently, he seems to be trying to take his cartel international. But France is Inter-gang territory. Bodies are starting to pile up in the streets of continental Europe." The picture changed. Crime scene photos. Wasn't that a pleasant view to start the day with? "Philip was always a big player, but strictly a national one. He knew that his resources weren't big enough for a crime-war. Something has given him the confidence to take on some of the world's most dangerous criminals. His recent boldness leads us to believe that he has acquired this."

The picture changed again. Suddenly the screen was filled with an image of an intricately carved figure of a fox, rearing upright on two legs, almost dancing. Light glittered from every facet of the figurine; its entire body seemingly carved from one piece of precious stone.

"The `Zorro Azul.`"

"The what?" Wally mouthed to Robin.

"Blue Fox." Robin mouthed back.

"Sapphire," Batman corrected. "It's not confirmed, but Morgan Le Fey is believed to be the one who crafted it, or at least commissioned its creation. Somehow, it was stolen from her by her enemies and lost. Later, it turned up in history during the Crusades in the Fifth Century but quickly disappeared again. It's effectively priceless, but that's not why it's important to us. It's reputedly a magical talisman of the highest potency. Creativity in solid form. A transmutation stone. Supposedly, it can change anything its reflected light shines upon into anything its owner desires."

Wally automatically opened his mouth to say something about this outrageous nonsense – nevermind he had Fate's helmet collecting dust on a shelf –, but found Robin's hand covering it, allowing him only an easily ignored,

"Mmph!"

"It's a threat that the league cannot ignore. If the Zorro Azul has resurfaced and truly possess this ability, we need to know. Unfortunately, he lives in a secure compound, manned by his own private army." Batman continued. "However, one of his 'charitable' endeavours is his patronage of a local school for... gifted children. He throws a fund-raising dinner for them once a year at his mansion and all of the children are brought in to perform for the attendees. This gives us an opening. The dinner is tonight."

The picture changed again. It now showed two teenagers. "You will be attending the dinner as students from the-"

"If we have to dress like that, I'm going AWOL," Superboy stated, flatly.

At that moment, he spoke for everyone.

It was awful. Wally stared in horror. No wonder a criminal was a patron of the school. Those clothes were a crime against vision. He wanted to look away, but he couldn't. He was strangely fascinated that something just so wrong on so many different levels could even exist, even as he felt tears spring to his eyes. A forest green blazer. With horrid lace ruffles and cuffs in lime green. Equally green shoes. And the worst part of all was the very tight, very orange, very short... shorts.

"The dinner is smart-casual. No uniform required."

"So it is a reconnaissance, to determine Ambrosio's possession of the talisman?" Kaldur asked for confirmation.

"Reconnaissance _only_," Batman emphasized.

"But –" Robin began.

"Avoid engaging and revealing yourselves as anything other than average teenagers. Absolutely nothing else. Do I make myself clear?"

It was a generalized question, but everyone recognized the pointedness of it to a certain bird. Despite that, they all answered affirmatively. Wally thought he might have cast a sympathetic glance Robin's way, but his eyes stayed glued to the on-screen horror. They were just so…_short._

He'd absently noted that Artemis didn't seem surprised by _that _appearing on-screen. She'd tensed, like she was preparing herself before _they_ appeared.

How odd. Seemed like the gang had a mystery on their hands. And just because he was boss like that, and had an over-active imagination, Wally had devised a theory while Batman finished up the briefing and fully convinced himself it was Gospel truth by the time they'd been dismissed to change into their uniforms.

Apparently, they were leaving immediately.

Wally and Artemis were the only two not in uniforms, so they were headed down the hall when Megan's voice stopped them. Although, she'd only addressed Artemis. Wally was just being nosy.

"Artemis," the archer turned to face the Martian girl, "are you okay?" Megan asked, unable to keep the concern from her voice.

The blonde's gaze quickly skimmed over the others before returning to Megan and plastered on a belated and fake smile.

"Me? I'm perfectly fine. Never better!" She answered, with a broad obviously fake smile. "I just…skipped lunch." With that, she turned away, and strode confidently forward.

Straight into the wall.

"Are you ok-"

"I'm fine, I'm fine!" Artemis repeated, hurrying out of the hall, holding her nose.

After an awkward pause, Megan breached the silence, turning to the others, and asked,

"That was a little odd, wasn't it?"

"Odd? That was downright weird." Robin chimed in. "She's been acting off since the briefing started."

Kaldur nodded. "Indeed. She seemed very unsettled."

"Oh, I know why she's acting so strangely." Wally said, smiling.

He folded his arms in triumph, and waited for the guys to ask him to share his wisdom.

Nothing. Not a single movement from any of them recognizing he was even there.

"I _said_, I know why she's acting so-"

Robin sighed. "We heard you Wally. We're just not listening."

Wally made an appalled face. "What? Why?"

"Because you're going to be wrong."

"What? That's- You don't even know what I'm going to say yet!"

"So? You're still going to be wrong."

"You don't _know_ that!"

Megan opened her mouth to speak, but Kaldur touched a hand to her shoulder and shook his head. Best to just let these two finish their debate, rather than interrupt. Hopefully, if they did it now, it wouldn't interfere with the mission. Just next to him, Superboy watched the interaction with something like exasperation.

Robin turned to face Wally, crossing his arms casually. "Okay. Fine. I'll bite: Why is Artemis acting so weird?" he asked with faked, half-hearted enthusiasm

Wally grinned. "Okay. Let's look at the facts. Did you see the way she looked when Batman mentioned this `King Philip` guy? She looked crushed, right?"

"... Right" Robin conceded.

"I mean, I've never seen her look like that before. She looked like a puppet with its strings cut, or a balloon with all the air let out, or-"

"We get it," Superboy cut him off, "What's your point?"

Rolling his eyes toward the Superman clone-child, Wally returned to the main point, pausing for dramatic effect.

"King Philip? He... is... Artemis's Father!" Wally paused, allowing the others a moment to bask in his brilliance. "So, what do you think?"

"I think you watch too much television," Robin confided, reaching out to pat Wally on the head, "Good try though. Completely unfounded in reality, but still. You followed that train of thought straight to Nowhere."

"What!" he jerked back, "But-"

"But nothing! Dude, that was the stupidest thing you've said all day. It's so ridiculous! Why would you even think that? I mean, just because you don't know who some ones parents are, that doesn't make them super-villains! You don't know why Artemis is acting like she is."

"And I suppose you do then, huh?"

"Of course I do. Isn't it obvious?" Robin sighed the sigh of one very much surrounded by people of lesser intelligence. "Look. Fact one, she didn't just start acting weirdly when she saw the crime lord. She started much earlier. From the very moment Spain was mentioned. Two, it _intensified._ She started out just unsettled, but by the end, she was walking into walls. And thirdly, she's trying to keep it from us, but she's also trying to act like it's 'okay'," the quotation marks were almost an audible thing, "All classic signs of J.L.S."

"J.L.S?" Wally asked in disbelief.

It was one thing to make up words, and another thing entirely to start throwing around initials all willy-nilly.

"Jilted. Lovers. Syndrome."

Wally burst out laughing. It was a long time before he could talk, but he eventually got a few words out between desperate attempts to breath. "So... dumb... can't... breathe."

"It makes perfect sense," Robin defended, "You said so yourself. She looked crushed."

"So?"

"Key word in that: Crushed. Her first crush. He left her. It still hurts. No wonder she's not acting like herself."

"Okay, there is no way in hell anyone would have ever been stupid enough to date Artemis. Admit it Rob, your theory is lame."

"No, it isn't. Your "Darth Vader" theory, on the other hand…"

"Gah!" Wally threw his arms up out of frustration.

That smug, little, know-it-all! If the jerk wasn't his best friend, he'd strangle him.

"Meg!" Wally suddenly rounded on her.

"Eep! I mean, yes?"

"Who do you think is right? Me or Birdie Boy?"

"Oh, that's original, _Speedy_. I so haven't heard that one before."

As Wally glared at the deliberate name jab, Megan shot Kaldur a questioning look. He was too busy massaging his temples, as if attempting to stave off a massive headache. She then looked to Superboy. He merely shrugged indifferently. Turning back to the two boys in an awkward staring contest, as no one could actually _see_ Robin's eyes behind his mask, she cleared her throat to gain their attention.

"Um, I think that…you're both right?"

"What?" they simultaneously asked.

"Well, I think that it's possible that her father could be a villain, and her boyfriend could have worked for him. Then maybe she didn't want to be a bad guy anymore and tried to talk her boyfriend into staying with her and being a hero, but he refused her. Then they could have had this huge fight, and really hurt each other, but what _really _hurt them is that now they're on the opposite sides of the law, and one day, they'll have to face each other. And only one of them is going to walk away next time. According to my studies of human culture, it seems more likely that you're both right!" she concluded brightly.

By the end of it, the boys were all staring at the Martian girl like…well, like she was a Martian.

"I take it back, what I said about you watching too much TV, KF," Robin apologized, "My bad."

"Yeah, well, compared to... " Wally tried to find the right word for what he had just heard that didn't offend Megan. "... _That_ your 'Woe is me, I'm a weepy archer' theory almost makes sense. Almost."

"I'm right. And you know it. It's as simple as that." Robin replied. "There's no shame in admitting that you're wrong. I mean, you should be used to it by now."

Wally smiled slowly. Which was bad. Wally doing something slowly, that is. He had an idea, which was also usually bad. Suddenly, he knew the way to settle this once and for all.

"Rob, I think it's time you put your money where your mouth is."

"That…is actually really gross. Why would I want to put money that millions of people have touched where my mouth is?"

"Sure it does." Wally continued, undeterred. "If you're so sure, you should be prepared to back it up. Unless you'd rather just admit you're wrong right now."

"I'm not wrong!"

"Then come on."

"Wally, I'm not going to engage in some juven -

"Well, I guess I'm right then!" he loudly interrupted. "Since Robin's too scared to man up and defend his beliefs. Too scared! Yup. Like a little kid."

For a moment, Robin looked like he was going to punch the red-headed teen.

"...Fine! What's the bet?"

"Not just a bet," Wally grinned. "A _slap_ bet."

"What's a slap bet?" Megan asked.

"It's a bet where the winner of the bet slaps the loser as hard as he possibly can," Superboy answered.

The group gave him questioning looks. No one dared if that was something he'd learned or if that was genomorph'd information. If the latter, that was just weird.

"So pick who's going to be commissioner then get dressed already. We're wasting time," the pseudo-Kyrptonian groused.

Both boys immediately turned to Kaldur. He looked at both of them sceptically and sighed.

"If I say no, you will do this anyway," he stated this, knowing for a fact it was true.

The two could only shrug helplessly.

"Yup."

"Nailed it in one."

Kaldur sighed. "Very well. I will be your... bet commissioner. But what happens if you are both wrong?" Kaldur asked, looking confused.

Wally waved his hands dismissively. "Doesn't matter. Isn't going to happen, and _I'm _not going to be wrong. But I guess...What do you think, Rob?"

"It's gotta be something we both have to do. If on the off chance neither of us is right, you decide, Kaldur."

"Fine," the Atlantean agreed uncertainly, "Wally, I think you should go change clothes now. We will be leaving soon."

"Gotcha. Be back in a –"

"Don't say it!" Robin warned.

Wally took a quick step away from him before saying,

"Flash!"

And running down the hall.

* * *

><p>AN: Don't worry. It's not over. We're just getting started :)

Oh, and calling it the Blue Fox was not my vanity. It was the Rabbit's idea. Now I have to come up with a way to work a rabbit in here...


	2. Foiled Plans, an Attitude, and Disguises

The team was gathered on the Bioship. Megan had taken them out of the mountain, cloaked them in stealth mode, and plotted a course for Madrid. Now, with the hour or so they had before they arrived, the team was studying their assigned tasks, mentally preparing themselves, and focusing on the mission.

"I can't wait 'til you have to admit I'm right."

Well _most_ of them were.

"Keep dreaming, K.F. It isn't going to happen."

"I don't know what I'm going to enjoy more," Wally continued to goad, "slapping you silly, or just seeing your face when you have to admit you were wrong."

"As this is only going to take place in your imagination," Robin said it in a way that suggested he was rolling his eyes behind that mask of his, "knock yourself out. Enjoy both equally."

Wally snapped his fingers. "I've just decided! It's slapping you silly. Definitely."

"Did you know that there is a muscle in the jawline that if you hit it _just_ right, say, with a front hand slap, it will make the slappee lose all control of his bladder?" Robin turned in his seat to look at Wally, his smirk unmistakable. "Isn't that _interesting?_"

Wally remained un-phased. "Rob, if you want, you can admit you were wrong now. That way you won't have to have your humiliation with your slap. You can have them separately."

Robin tilted his head. "Perhaps I'll let Artemis have my slap. I think she'd enjoy it almost as much as I would."

Superboy looked at Aqualad. "Is there any way you can make them shut up?" he said in an almost pleading tone.

Kaldur sighed. "I am afraid I have not yet discovered how to do that effectively."

Superboy sighed too. It was going to be a long flight.

The two continued their taunting through most of the flight. Megan was alternating her attention among flying the ship, mentally prepping for the mission, worrying for Artemis, and staring longingly at Superboy.

Kaldur was thinking of ways that would silence his bickering teammates that would actually work without causing them pain. It would not do to have them injured during the mission, after all. For Wally, feeding him non-stop should work. Yet with Robin, there were very few things that would distract him from his entertainment.

Artemis sat quietly, worrying her lower lip with her bow across her lap. She absently plucked at the bow string, totally unaware of everything else. Her internal distraction was the only reason the archer hadn't attacked or threatened the motor-mouth redhead.

Superboy was getting annoyed. Over the past few weeks, Black Canary been working on handling his emotions and not lashing out. Unlike most people, he didn't have those learned responses and restraints to impulses. When Superboy felt, he reacted mostly without putting his actions through a filter.

"I'm going to slap you so hard, _Batman _is gonna feel it!"

He also didn't have a very high threshold to annoyances.

So really, no one should have been surprised when Superboy snapped and threatened to throw both of them out of the ship. When both boys claimed that Aqualad would never let him do that, the Atlantean suddenly became blind, deaf, and dumb when the Superman clone moved to make good on his promise. However, when Superboy tried to rip Kid Flash's surprisingly strong grip from his chair, Aqualad suggested a compromise that Kid Flash and Robin couldn't talk to each other for the rest of the flight, and all readily agreed.

The reluctant leader made a mental note on the effectiveness of threats, and the trip went much better from there.

X~x~X

"We'll be there in approximately ten minutes." Megan announced.

Wally's eyes blinked open. He must have dozed off. He stretched and yawned, unceremoniously. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he looked around the Bioship's cabin. Artemis was sitting in her chair. Her expression was unfocused, but her knuckles were white from how tightly she was gripping her bow. Nervous. Clearly. He smiled. What a nice sight to wake up to.

Naturally, his first inclination was to mock the girl mercilessly. She certainly wouldn't hesitate to do the same. But he stopped himself. There was a better way. If he could get her to reveal the truth about King Philip being her father, here and now, he could win the bet, claim his slap, and have the whole mission to rub in in to you-know-who. He looked across at Robin, who was playing games on his computer-glove thingy. (He always claimed to be downloading blueprints or looking up information, but Wally knew better.)

Wally stood up and breathed in deeply. He could do this. If it meant the chance of a completely guilt-free attempt at knocking the smug smile off of the Boy Wonder's face, he could do this. He could... talk to Artemis. An honest-to-gosh, non-insulting, polite conversation. With Artemis.

Ignoring the sudden nausea that thought gave him and the wary look Superboy shot him, he casually zipped over to Artemis' chair.

"Hi."

She flinched, her arms almost moving to jab her bow into his ribs, then looked up. "Oh, it's you. Look, can you just save it? I'm not in the mood toni-"

"So, are you feeling ready for the mission?" Wally cut her off and forced a smile.

He didn't think he'd be able to do this if the girl decided to be difficult. He was afraid that his nature would compel him to retort with something a shade hateful.

Artemis looked at him like he'd grown a second head. "... What?"

"I said, are you feeling ready for the mission?"

She just _stared_ at him. He near painfully held the grin – that threatened to become a grimace – in place as the archer stared at him with an unreadable expression. He heard Robin snort a laugh behind him. Why did she have to be so contrary? Nothing ever went right when she was involved.

"Look, Wally, today has been kind of freaky for me. I don't need your already freaky self talking to me like you were a normal person. It's too much crazy for one day."

Wally blinked. He had a near irrepressible urge to shake the irritating, little, interfering…With great restraint, he decided to ignore it. Just shove the urge and the emotion deep down into his subconscious where his body would manifest it in an ulcer or something.

"Yeah," he went on like she'd never spoken. "I was just wondering. I mean, it must be weird going back to the place where you spent most of your childhood..."

Artemis gave him a puzzled look. "What makes you say that?"

"Megan told me that you said to her that you'd spent time in Spain when you were younger. You did, right?"

She looked at him, her expression suddenly wary. "A little. Why?"

Wally smiled a little. He'd been expecting her to get defensive at this point. Fortunately, he'd thought of a fool-proof plan to get her to open up again. Break the ice, so to speak. Sometimes, his brilliance astonished even him.

"So, you must know the name of the legendary Spanish archer, right?"

She looked up at him, curious despite herself. "No..."

With a dramatic pause and making a show looking about for eavesdroppers (aside from amused Robin and the exasperated Superboy), Kid Flash cupped one hand on the side of his mouth and stage-whispered,

"El Bow."

He could actually see the interest drain from her expression to see it replaced with her usual look of 'I'm superior to you for you are an idiot'.

"Elbow. Get it?" Wally tapped his arm, just to make sure he was being absolutely clear.

"... That's the worst joke I've ever heard."

Robin laughed, more at the pathetic attempt at a joke than the joke itself.

"It's not that bad."

"No, really, it is. I'm not lying, or exaggerating: It's the worst joke I've ever heard. I feel like I'm insulting the word joke just using it in relation to that... comment of yours."

Wally gritted his teeth. Then he noticed Robin still laughing. He pointed at him in triumph. "Ha! See? Robin thinks it's funny."

"No, I don't! I'm laughing _at_ you. Not _with_ you. That was _terrible!_"

Wally was pretty sure his brand new ulcer had already gone peptic. Also, he was developing a twitch.

"Still... It was _almost_, kinda sweet of you to want to cheer me up." Artemis announced her expression inscrutable. "I guess."

Wally spun back around to face her, appalled. "What? But- I wasn't!"

She raised a quizzical eyebrow. "Then what were you trying to do?"

Wally was just about to answer, when Megan interrupted him.

"The Mansion is in now in visual range. Estimated time of arrival is now two minutes."

"Thank you, M'gann." Kaldur began to speak. "It is time for our last minute checks. Everyone take your landing positions."

Robin rubbed a tear away from his cheek that had slipped past his mask. "Oh, man. That was great."

Wally eased himself back into his chair, muttering to himself. "Just you wait, Rob. Just you wait."

"Do you all have your image inducers fully charged?" Kaldur asked.

Image inducers were devices the league had invented. They were about the size of a tie-pin. Each one held a half-dozen examples of civilian clothing, and could project a hyper-real holographic image on top of the teams' costumes. It let the team wear their costumes and carry their equipment with them without attracting too much attention when they were working undercover.

The team all responded in the affirmative. Wearily. They'd all heard this before.

"You are all certain?" Kaldur pressed. "Because we do not want any incidents like the Brazil mission."

"I said I was sorry!" Superboy complained.

"I know. But saying sorry did make you any less naked when your inducer shorted out. The Cardinal of Rio-de-Janerio was not pleased."

"Can't say I had any complaints," Artemis murmured lowly, but loud enough to be heard.

While most everyone pretended not to hear, Wally rolled his eyes and gagged.

"Jealous?" she asked, that old spark for a challenge in her eyes.

"Ha! Of what?"

She arched a brow and pointed at Superboy. More really didn't need to be said.

"I happen to be perfectly happy with who I am," he informed her coolly.

"That makes one of use."

Kid Flash said nothing, but inwardly, he seethed. His plan had back-fired, and now, she was completely back to her rude, condescending self. Joy.

Within moments, the ship touched down. From the windowed monitor of the ship, the mansion could be seen some distance away.

"We're a little close to the mansion, aren't we?" Kid Flash asked, a little concerned.

This was supposed to be covert, like the rest of their missions. Most of their missions had a tendency to become _overt_, and parking their _Martian spaceship_ in their target's front yard seemed like they were just asking for it.

Megan smiled, and Wally responded with the same, automatically. She had such a great smile. "Don't worry. I taught the ship a new trick. Urban camouflage mode. Step outside and you'll see."

Wally looked curious, and quickly disentangled himself from his seat to zip outside. He blinked. From the outside the bio-ship looked like a hot dog cart. He stepped back inside. Bioship. Outside. Hot dog cart. Inside. Bioship. .

"What do you think?" She asked him, all smiles.

"I think you're awesome!" A distant, more logical side of Wally wasn't sure how likely you were to find a hot-dog parked by the side of a Spanish highway, but he wasn't going to tell her. Never would he do anything to take a smile from Megan.

Wally looked up at the mansion. Inside that building was an evil, fashion-challenged crime lord, hundreds of armed goons, hundreds more guests, poor unfortunate school children who had to wear a uniform made of evil, and a 'Magical' (HAH!) Artefact. And none of it mattered. Because somewhere in that mansion was the evidence he needed to prove that Artemis was the spawn of villainy, and even more importantly that he was right, and Robin was wrong. If there was music at this thing, he might even get to dance with Megan.

It was going to be a good night.

"Hey, Megan. Do you know what time it is?"

Robin desperately tried to stop her. "Please don't ans-"

"No, what time is it?"

Wally grinned. "It's party time."

"er…that," Robin glared at his best-friend with a look that suggested that he wondered what best-friend contest in hell did he win. "Kaldur, do I get a penalty for hurting him with something other than a slap?"

"Neither of you are to exchange blows until the final verdict has been made. So yes."

Despite this, Robin seriously looked like he was considering it anyway.

* * *

><p>AN: We are so pushing this deadline. I'm not pointing any fingers. I'm not laying blame. Nope. Not I...Not _me. _Anyway, we're really gonna try and get this darling, neglected baby done up right. Because loss by default just outright sucks. Any chance for an extension? Because seriously! My partner almost died!


	3. Plans, a Banner, and Surprises

A band played soft, inoffensive jazz. An unflappable wait staff walked around almost invisibly offering the guests canapés. People of all ages, dressed in smart clothes moved slowly around a large open room in groups two or three, occasionally stopping long enough to have wine glasses refilled, or to pretend to admire some painting or sculpture, while they laughed insincerely at one another's jokes.

It was unbelievably...Boring. It was so boring, Wally swore he saw an old man taking a nap, standing fully upright over by the most hideous painting he'd ever seen. There was another guy with him who was talking to him, who apparently didn't realize his audience was unconscious.

Wally frowned. "This isn't much of a party."

Robin smiled. "It's not really a party, Wally. It's a fund-raiser."

"What's the difference?"

"A party is when someone invites their friends to share a good time with them and everyone who goes wants to be there. A fund-raiser is something rich people have to go to even though they mostly hate it, because they feel like they should go in order to keep up philanthropic façades, and if they don't go everyone will call them cheap Philistines, and do nothing but gossip about them for the next three months."

"And you know this because...?"

"Let's just say I've had a little experience with fund raisers."

Wally rolled his eyes. "Well this is the most `experience` I ever want to have with one. It's so dull I'm thinking about painting one of the walls just so I can watch it dry."

Robin grinned. "Maybe we shouldn't give up on this party just yet. After all, the night is young."

Kaldur caught their attention from across the room. He gestured for them to meet him at the end of the food table. Robin had insisted that they not link up via Megan's telepathy. No reason to accidentally let Artemis know he was wise to her little boyfriend drama. When they met up with him, Kaldur wasted no time explaining the situation. He spoke briskly but in a calm tone, not wanting to draw any more attention than was necessary.

"I have taken an inventory of this building as best I can. The security is both well-armed and very extensive. It is also clearly dedicated to keeping the guests in this room."

Robin nodded. "I noticed that. I tried every trick in the book to get outside, but even when I needed to use the bathroom they gave me an escort."

"Really?" Kid Flash interjected in disbelief.

"Yep. He even came _into_ the bathroom with me."

"Dude, that's _nasty_."

"Focus, please." Kaldur continued, with a sigh. "It also appears to me that the plans the League had managed to obtain are hopelessly out of date. There are clearly far more rooms in this building that the blueprints indicate."

Wally nodded. "Yeah, it's like the Tardis."

Robin and Kaldur stared at him.

"You know? Bigger on the inside?"

They continued to stare. Rather than rag on either of them for not knowing about _Doctor Who_, he considered just who he was talking to. Kaldur'ahm of Atlantis, Lord of Stiffness and All Things Proper and Robin, Boy Wonder and Dark Knight protégé. Kaldur probably had no interest in TV, and Robin was just a weird kid who Wally knew for a fact spent his free-time hacking into the Pentagon. 'Just to check up on things.'

"... I'll be quiet."

Kaldur resumed speaking. "Therefore, we are caught between two problems. I propose that our best chance to explore will be during the students' performance. It will absorb the most attention. When it begins, we split into two groups, one for the manor's East and West wings. Stealth and speed _must_ be our primary instruments. The performance will only last approximately thirty minutes, and we have a lot of ground to cover."

Wally smiled. "Sounds like a good plan. If it's speed and stealth you want, Rob and me got this."

"Indeed. Therefore, You, Robin, and Artemis will take the Eastern, and larger wing, while M'gann, Superboy and I-"

Wally interrupted with a retching sound. "Oh come on! Why do we have to have Artemis with us?"

Kaldur blinked. "I had assumed that since you showed such concern for her well-being on the journey here, that you would appreciate the opportunity to –"

"I was not trying to cheer her up!"

"There is no shame in caring for your team-mates... morale." Kaldur responded simply, but a ghost of a smile lingered near his lips for a moment.

"I don't care about her morale! Repeat: Do. Not. Care. I was only trying to get her to admit that King Philip was her dad, so Rob here could take his lumps like a man."

"Ohhhh, that's what you were doing? How odd. Because that really only would have resulted in her admitting _I'm_ right, and you'd be the one getting 'lumps'."

"It is true!" Kid Flash insisted.

"It just isn't!" Robin flippantly dismissed.

"Enough." Even Kaldur's patience was beginning to reach the fraying point now. "You should find Artemis near the East annex. The performance will begin any moment now, and every second will be precious."

With barely a nod, Robin and Wally turned and left, walking towards the annex... but arguing the whole time. Kaldur shook his head. This bet was becoming disruptive to the mission. That was bad because even when things seemed to be going smoothly, something would always fly out of nowhere and ruin it. Something very terrible indeed was bound to happen if he could already see it coming. At this point, it was too far gone to stop, and he'd just have to deal with the consequences. He wondered if there was any possible way he could discourage this sort of thing from happening again.

X~x~X

Halfway between leaving Kaldur and reaching the annex, Robin and Wally had called a weary truce. If they walked up on Artemis, bickering like they were, she might ask why. Wally insisted she would, because 'she was a nosy busybody with no life of her own.' To which Robin stated, he must also be one to know that for certainty. Wally did the mature thing and said nothing, holding to their truce. Rather than let it manifest into a peptic ulcer, he'd harness it into what promised to be a 'Slap Heard 'Round the World' when the time came.

Finally, they reached the annex. They looked left, right, and all around. What they found in their little search? No Artemis.

Wally sighed. "Late. Typical. She's probably having a tender reunion with her long-lost father as we speak."

"Oh, for sure. If by `tender reunion` you mean `angst-filled walk down memory lane` and by `long-lost father` you mean `first and only love. `"

"No, I don't mean those things. I mean what I say, and I say what I mean, and I said what I meant."

Robin stared at him a moment.

"Did…was that a revised quote from Pop-eye?"

"Hi, guys!"

Both guys turned and looked. The voice had been unmistakeably Artemis's, but also unmistakably not quite right. And it was no wonder. A man was following close behind her, a man who would have been just as tall lying on his back as he was standing up, and who, despite the air-conditioning, had worked up a furious sweat. He stood far too close to Artemis, and the leer in his eyes was borderline criminal. Instinctively, they both moved towards her.

"My, my, my, my! Can it truly be you? This I say to myself, surely I am mistaken?" The guy moved around Artemis blocking her from the guys before she could move away. "But no! It truly is you. I am blessed."

Artemis tried to give the creep the brush off. "I think you've mistaken me for someone else."

"Oh, I think not. The years have changed you, of course, but they had not been too-unkind. And to one you can appreciate true beauty, a young lady never _really_ changes... Artemis."

Artemis actually looked like her skin was crawling. "You...remember me?"

He laugh was shrill and mirthless. "Oh, but of course! How could I ever forget? You moved so... _divinely,_ it was easy to see why you were named for a goddess." He took her hand without permission and held it in both of his, still leering up at her. "But of course, that is not the only reason for your name. Your beauty too, is heavenly."

Okay. That was just... Eww. This dude was creepy. Wally folded his arms and glared at the guy. Artemis may have been everything that was annoying and wrong about the world, collected together and shaped like a girl, but she was _their _girl-shaped collection of everything wrong and annoying. So the little runt _did not_ get to speak to her like that.

Before Wally could recover from being offended by the little man, Robin had already moved.

Robin tapped him on the shoulder. "Excuse me? You're slowing my friend down with your extreme creepiness. We need her back. Now."

"Yes, yes, of course!" he waved his chubby hand flippantly. "In a moment. Now, where was I? Ah, yes. It was such a shame when you and your mother chose to leave us. I do not mind admitting, I wept. For the loss to art. Indeed, of all of King Philip's children, I believe you were the most irreplaceable-"

Wally had been stepping forward, just about to tell this guy where to go, and, if necessary, show him how to get there, when his words resonated within him. Wally stopped listening. Rapturous clouds of angels sang songs of Joy and Triumph in his mind. He... had been right. Not that he'd ever doubted, of course, but still. He was right. And he knew what that meant.

"Thanks, Rob. I couldn't seem to shake him off." Artemis was grumbling.

Wally blinked, coming back to himself, and nearly bouncing up and down in excitement.

"Don't worry about it. That guy is definitely up to something. I hit him with a tracer. One way or another, we're going to need to do something about-"

Robin was interrupted by a sudden, violent, slap round the side of his face. Wally had literally been unable to wait any longer. All of his pent up excitement had been unleashed in that one cathartic moment. If this had been a cartoon, Robin would have spun around three times before landing in a crater. As it was, he merely lost his footing and stumbled for a second, and was left with five bright red finger marks on a very pale face. It was just as good.

"Wally, what the hell are you doing?" Artemis asked, shocked.

For a moment, she actually feared that the speedster had well and truly snapped.

Wally sighed in great contentment with a smile on his face. "That actually stings a little, but…so worth it."

That smile slipped a little as a darkly glaring Robin jerked him down and held him roughly by his collar.

"We'll be right back," he said to Artemis, but still glaring at Wally.

It was all Wally could do to not laugh as his focus was firmly on that bright, beautiful mark of truth. Robin led him some distance away from Artemis, striding easily through the crowd. When they were far enough away to still see the archer and not be heard, he let go.

"I think Artemis had it right. _What the hell?_"

"Oh, come on, dude. Let's not be slow here. I realize accepting your defeat must _suck_ for you, but them's the breaks."

Robin's look of concentrated hatred morphed into unending incredulity. Had Wally been sampling the champagne when he wasn't looking?

"Explain why you think you've won."

"I _know_ I won because that little creeper referred to Artemis as King Philip's child."

"…and?"

"What do you mean 'and? You wanted proof, you got proof. Now admit it: I was right."

"Proof? There hasn't been any proof!"

Wally paused. "Rob...I don't think I hit you hard enough that you should have amnesia..."

Robin groaned in frustration, scrubbing a hand down his face and wincing when it touched the mark. Then he pointed. "Look at the banner, Wally! `Feed My Starving Children!` They call all of the students at the school his 'children'. That freak calling Artemis Philip's child proves nothing."

With each point Robin spoke, Wally felt some of his euphoria drain. He looked at Artemis, the banner, Robin, and the mark. That mark mocked him now. He could hear it, resonating through his body.

He said the only he could think to.

"... Whoops?"

Robin growled and made as though he was going to pounce on Wally, who flinched, spectacularly. However, Robin just managed to control himself. Barely. He looked at Wally in utter fury. Wally could actually _feel_ his head smoking a little.

"When _I'm _proved right, I'm going to slap you in into the middle of next week. When I tell Kaldur that you slapped me after he expressly told us to wait until the end, you're probably going to get a double forfeit. I really hope it was worth it."

With his promise made, Robin stalked back towards Artemis, the picture of righteous indignation. Wally rubbed his neck nervously and glanced at the banner again. Even if – when – Wally was proven right by the cold, hard facts, Kaldur would still probably allow him a payback slap. He grimaced. He was so going to get the taste slapped out of his mouth.

"Whoops?"

X~x~X

As soon as Wally had walked back to them, Robin had deliberately ignored him. Wally rolled his eyes, but said nothing. He was getting the cold shoulder and knew well he deserved it. He'd acted impetuously and slapped his best friend out of context of the bet. If the situation had been reversed, he'd be looking for Kaldur, screaming foul.

Artemis easily noticed the tension between the two boys, but didn't comment. She'd _seen_ the slap, so it was obvious the why of it. What she didn't understand was the reason for the slap in the first place. Chalking it up to some weird, boy thing, Artemis resolved to ignore it. It wasn't like it concerned her.

"So what's the plan?" she asked the two in general.

Robin didn't answer. He was busy, doing a damn good impersonation of his mentor's stare into the crowd. Wally didn't _want_ to answer. He didn't want to speak to Artemis because she was Artemis. A simple explanation would probably end up with her telling him his speech pattern made him sound like a hick or something. But Robin wasn't doing it, and she did need to be informed.

He turned to face her more fully, to make the conversation look more natural. "Kaldur wants us to check out the East wing, while him, Meg, and Supes check the West. The only time we'll be able to go is during the performance since the security is freakishly tight here. That'll give us about thirty minutes."

"Sounds like a good plan," she nodded.

"Yeah, well, Kaldur came up with it. His plans are usually pretty solid."

"Mmhm."

And that was it.

Wally suddenly felt awkward. A conversation had never gone this well for them before. She hadn't said anything snide or made some smart, little remark or even rolled her bright, chocolate-colored eyes at him.

It. Freaked. Him. Out.

"I'm gonna raid the buffet," he announced.

After he scurried off, Robin looked towards him then Artemis.

"What was that?" he asked.

"What was what?"

"He left you four openings for an insult, and you didn't take them."

She shrugged. "It's not like I enjoy fighting with him."

Robin arched a brow.

"Okay, maybe a little. Thing is, he started it from the beginning. But on the way here today, him talking to me like I was an actual person instead of some infidel was…nice. Really, really weird, but nice. I just figured I'd cut him some slack, all right?"

"All right."

He'd briefly considered telling what Wally was really trying to do but dismissed the thought before it fully formed. That would just be petty. Besides, he had bigger, painful, potentially embarrassing plans for his friend.

X~x~X

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"That's what I said. Ain't nothing in that room but the wallpaper." Wally stated flatly.

Robin made an unhappy face. Yet another room clear. He looked across to the room on the other side of the corridor as Artemis slipped out of the door. She shook her head.

He sighed. He knew things had been going too well. He'd got all of the compound's electronic security either shut down, looping video infinitely, or on a rotating five minute cascade. It had been insultingly easy. (Really? Windows 7 as your OS? It was like they were _taunting_ him to hack them.)

"We're running out of rooms."

"How long have we got left?"

"Not long."

"Maybe King Philip doesn't have the 'magic' blue fox after all. I mean, phew, right? What a relief that he doesn't have an imaginary statue with imaginary powers. I'll sleep easier tonight, let me tell you."

"Let's try... this room." Robin said, ignoring Wally. It wasn't easy, but he was getting pretty good at it. He pointed to a small corner office. "It's not on the blueprints. Let's hope that means they're hiding something there."

"Makes sense to me."

The made it to the room in double quick time. Artemis tried the door. "Okay. It's locked. But you shut down the electronic security, right? So, if this door is still locked that means it's on a separate system."

"Ohh, that's a good sign." Wally grinned.

Robin knelt by the lock. A second later, the door swung open. It was less than impressive. The room was empty save for one lone chair, and some bookcases.

"Well that was anti-climactic!" Wally complained. "I mean, seriously! You go to the trouble of putting one room on a dedicated security system, and for what? In case someone steals your copy of Twilight?"

Robin shot Artemis a pleading look, but, no, she even let that go. She looked as if it pained her a little, but nothing. It was very disappointing. Robin usually didn't enjoy Artemis' taunting (Only sometimes. Besides, Wally usually deserved it.), but his face was still stinging from that foul slap. He _needed_ vengeance. "Search the room. There has to be something in here."

They did. Wally was pulling books from the bookshelf rapid-speed when he pulled away a certain one. There was a surprisingly loud mechanical noise before the wall slid back, to reveal a secret all stared at it for a moment.

"... How do you think they do that without all of the books falling off the shelves?"

"Not now, Wally."

"No, I mean, seriously. How do they do it? Is there some kind of special adhesive?" he ran his finger along the edges of the book. "And what does he do if, like, some of the cleaning staff take the books down from the shelf to clean? Or does he just have staff for cleaning the secret passage? Or-"

"You're killing the moment!" Robin complained. He noticed Artemis was forcefully biting the inside of her cheek and sighed. "Okay. Let's see where this leads."

Wally grinned. "Okay! I say it was Miss Scarlet, with the Wrench, in the Spanish Guy's Creepy-"

"Wally!"

Mercifully, it didn't take long to reach the terminus of the tunnel. On one side, the tunnel kept going, on the other, it curved to an ornate door. They tried the door first.

"Locked too. Isn't that overkill? I mean, it's in a secret passage. You think that would be security enough."

"Isn't the fact that we're here proof that it's not?" Artemis asked, and the struggle to keep her tone neutral was evident.

"... I suppose. He's still paranoid though."

This room was much bigger than the last. And a lot... goldener. The room was full of ornate furniture, objects d'art, and precious jewellery. The tables in the room sagged with the weight of the shinning glittering opulence they bore. Indeed, the room itself practically glowed with avarice.

"Now that's more like it!" Wally grinned.

"Jackpot." Robin smiled. "Artemis, you search that side of the room, I'll search this one. Wally, watch the door."

"But-"

"Just do it!"

They started to search the room. On the table Robin was searching, he saw a pile of carefully labelled discs. He tilted his head, curious. He didn't have time to look at them, but by sheer force of habit he shoved them in his pocket. You could never go wrong with more information.

"Anyone else feel like they're in a heist movie?" Wally asked, standing next to Robin with a big grin on his face.

"Wally! You're supposed to be watching the door!"

"Chillax, Boy Wonder. We're in a treasure room at the end of a secret passage, during the most anticipated part of this whole boring fund-raiser thing. No one is going to come looking for us."

"I do hope I'm not disturbing you..." said a cold, older voice from behind Wally.

He turned around slowly. King Philip stood there, flanked on either side by several burly, really ugly, armed henchmen.

"... Well that is neither fair or sensible."

"Are you... looking for something?" Philip asked, his voice malevolent.

"Uh, yeah, actually." Wally jumped on this opening. "We got lost actually, when we were all..."

"Trying to find the bathrooms!" Robin cut in.

Wally had to ask. "What is it with you and bathrooms today?"

"Perhaps you were looking for ..." King Philip's right hand disappeared into his jacket pocket. When it returned, the Zorro Azul was clutched greedily between his fingers. It pulsed with an unnatural blue light, each pulse causing sparks to fly and lighting his features with a sickly glow. "This?"

"What that tacky thing? Please, you couldn't pay me to rock that!"

King Philip glared at them.

Wally shrugged and looked at the others. "Hey, it was worth a shot."


	4. The Good, the Bad, and the Fluffy

The scene: The safe room of Philip Ambrosio. The air was filled with tension. On one side of the room stood Young Justice. The teen heirs apparent of the Justice League. On the other side of the room: About a dozen goons with automatic hand guns. Which, honestly, was a bit of a yawn. Seriously, they weren't even the big Ak-47s. Unfortunately, there was also a guy holding a mystic talisman that could do... well, just about anything. That kind of evened the odds.

Although, Wally had to insist on 'supposedly' do anything. Sure, it had a pretty light show going, but that didn't prove it was '_magical_'. If it did have any abilities, there had to be some science behind it, rather than magic.

It was just like a Mexican stand-off. Only… in Spain. With superheroes, but still against a crime lord.

It would have been bad enough standing around in silence. That much forced stillness grated on Wally. He could never stand it for long. But he would have preferred it to the dreaded alternative: Monologuing.

"So…the Justice League sends their babies to do their dirty work. Ha! Fools! They have underestimated me for the last time. Did you really think that you could take me by surprise? _ME?_ That you could simply waltz into my domain, and take from me that which is rightfully mine?"

Wally sighed. Honestly, villains and their speeches. Why? What was it about a career in costumed larceny that made them love the sound of their own voice? Was it genetic? Or was it pattern based behaviour? Too much television? Or, even simpler, did they all go to same school? Was there a curriculum in super-villainy that he wasn't aware off? It didn't seem likely, but, come to think of it, that might explain why so many of the bad guys he knew were _Doctor_ Evilguy or _Professor_ MadeofBad. Which led to the question of whether or not it was a government funded college.

"Well... yeah." Robin replied, honestly. "No offence, but up until a few weeks ago you were just evil drug lord guy. I'd never even heard of you. And I read Interpol Police reports. For fun."

"It's true. He does." Wally dropped his voice an octave, into a stage whisper. "We're all _very_ worried about him."

King Philip paused a moment, not expecting an interruption. They never expected interruption. What, did they think everyone was just so terrified they dare not speak or something? Speaking of which, Artemis was awfully quiet. She was probably worried her dad would recognize her voice. After all, a father knows his child's voice, no matter what.

A sly grin formed on the 'king's face. "Ah, I see what you hope to accomplish. You try to taunt me, to goad me into a rash action, and give you the upper hand, with your mockery. It won't work. King Philip is unflappable."

Wally rolled his eyes. He'd reached the "referring to himself in the third person" stage. That was never good.

_`Now?`_ he asked Kaldur telepathically, due to Megan's link.

'_Not yet. _Came the reply.

'_Please_?'

'_No_.'

'_Dang_ it.'

Robin grinned. "Hey, you keep telling yourself that if it helps you sleep at night. But there is no shame in not being an A-lister. None."

Wally nodded. "Of course not. Lots of villains have never come up with a caper in their life. It doesn't mean they're losers and failures at life. I mean, sure, no one can remember their names, but-"

"_Silencio_!" King Philip yelled, trying to maintain a calm front, but clearly affected.

"... Just us, or are you going to be quiet too?" Robin asked, looking as innocent as can be.

A couple of the gunmen coughed discretely. A slower one snickered.

"Yeah. I mean, if it's just us, it's hardly fair-"

"Buffoons. Simpletons and cretins! I am deeply disappointed. Do you think you can taunt a higher evolved creature then yourselves into making a mistake?"

"Hey, I resent that 'cretin' remark!" Wally objected.

Wally waited a beat, but still nothing. Artemis must be really, _really_ concerned with her father recognizing her voice. It had to be killing her to let these easy openings slip by her. Begrudgingly, Wally felt a modicum of respect shoot up for the girl. He wouldn't have been able to do it, in her place.

"If you're so 'highly evolved'," Robin actually made the quotations marks an audible thing, "how come your biggest master plan involves throwing a party? That's not very villainous."

"Don't you see? That's what so genius about it. I have within my own four walls the two hundred most powerful people in the country. Mine to control, mine to order, mine to possess, mind, body, and soul. But why stop there? This is just a first step."

"_Kid Flash, make ready... "_

'_Thank you! Finally_!'

If he'd had to stand through another monologue, detailing each aspect of this guy's master plan, he would have fainted from boredom overdose. Wally tried not to tense a muscle, or betray any sign of preparedness at all.

"After I have them under my control, I –"

"... _Now!"_

Wally moved forward with a sudden burst of super-speed. He crossed the distance between himself and King Philip in a nanosecond. Wally smirked at the shocked expression Phil's face. He wasn't a Flash for nothin', after all. He wrapped his fingers around the statue, and knew they were home-free.

Then, suddenly, he didn't have fingers. Or a hand. He blinked. Or... colour. There was a moment of vertigo, and he felt himself fall to the ground into darkness.

Okay. He wasn't dead. And he wasn't in pain exactly. Just…weird. Weird was good. But judging by the fact that he couldn't see anything, and was lying on the floor... something wasn't good. The sound of brawling and gunfire above (way, way, above, come to think of it,) made him start.

His heart was pounding in his chest. What was going on? He moved what should have been his legs, but was aware that they felt…different in some way. They weren't moving the right way.

Not long after it started, the noise quieted to dull moans and groans, and the blackness was being taken away. He saw a black and white version of his uniform being held by a stunned Artemis. Which caused Wally to wonder,

What the hell?

Robin was looking at him a little funny too. He could barely even tell there was a slap mark on him.

"Wally, is that… you?" his best friend asked.

Wally rolled over, and prepared to tell him not to be such an idiot. Of course he was him. But as he stared up into Robin's suddenly gigantic face, instead, he said,

"Meow."

He felt his eyes go wide and raised his hand – paw – level with his eyes. He had paws. Little ones covered in fine, thick fur.

Oh boy.

Or cat.

X~x~x

With all collected in the bioship, including the Zorro Azul – that Wally wouldn't go anywhere near – they were headed back to Mt. Justice. Kaldur would be the one explaining why they had the amulet to Batman. It was a leader's duty after all.

The rest of the mission had passed by in a colourless blur for one Kid Flash. It had been in the opinion of most of the team, a success. They had, thanks to the rest of the team's sudden arrival and Kaldur's mystical know-how, managed to stop King Philip before he could use the stone for anything else. Then after a brief and interesting, physical 'discussion', (in which the team had provided a lot of punching and kicking, and the goons had provided a lot of cries for mercy and their madres.) the amulet had been confiscated, incriminating evidence on King Philip had been provided to police officers who could be trusted, and justice had been served. Yep. Pretty successful mission.

Wally didn't agree. You see, he'd spend most of the mission, as a fricking kitten.

"_No..."_ he reminded himself mentally. _"It made me think I was a kitten."_ It was an important distinction. At least it was to him. It would help explain some of his... behaviour.

"There has to be a rational, scientific, explanation for what happened," Wally insisted for what was not the first time as he paced back and forth. From time to time, he'd wander back to his chair and strike a thinking man pose. He made sure to stay away from the front, as Kaldur held onto the stone.

Superboy just watched him, somewhat amused at the speedster's blatant denial of a fact. Megan couldn't look at him without blushing and focused on flying the ship. Kaldur was just glad Robin and Kid weren't arguing at the moment.

"Wally… It turned you into a cat," Artemis informed him.

"Maybe it was like, hallucinogenic or…something."

"You had red fur, and a fluffy tail, and little ears."

"But that wouldn't explain the hairball…"

"And very sharp claws," Robin put in, "Don't worry; I won't count that as a penalty towards you."

"Or why the seeming memory is so clear. Maybe nanotech attaches to the synapses of the brain and feeds images and sensations directly. Alien tech falling into the hands of ancient people isn't unheard of, after all."

"You were purring," Artemis continued.

"Or maybe it sends out sound-waves directly to the brain's perception points."

"And you licked Artemis," Robin added.

"Shut up!" Wally yelled, causing everyone to jump. "That is a _lie_, a dirty, filthy, hateful lie!"

In the brief silence that fell, Robin smirked. He still had a certain slap to pay Wally back for. But this would be so much more satisfying than mere physical pain. "Okay. If you say it didn't happen, it didn't happen."

"Well, thank you-"

"I'm sure we all just imagined you rubbing and purring against her legs."

"Rob..."

"Or the way you wouldn't let any of the rest of us pick you up. Not even Megan. But when _Artemis_ picked you up-"

"Don't..."

"And of course, when Kaldur managed to figure out how to get the talisman to undo its spell, well, I'm sure we all just imagined you suddenly fully sized in Artemis's arms. Oh, and without your costu-"

Wally jumped to his feet and dived for a cackling Robin, only being constrained by a swiftly moving Superboy. He looked around the room challengingly, daring them all to repeat what Robin had just said. They all quickly made themselves busy doing... things. Anything that meant they didn't have to look Wally in the eye. All of them apart from Superboy.

"I can't believe I was naked on a mission!" Wally moaned quietly.

"It's okay. You get over it." Superboy offered, enjoying the rare opportunity to be the voice of experience.

Wally buried his head in his hands. "I hate magic."

"...You don't believe in magic."

"I don't need to believe in it to hate it!"

X~x~X


	5. Revelations, Penance, and Promises

This has been totally insane. Y'all don't really wanna know, but let me tell ya. It's been crazy fun.

XxXxX

After that…outburst, the rest of the flight had been quiet. It allowed most of the team to bask in the afterglow of a job well done. Better than that. The mission had been that rarest of things: a complete success. The villain behind bars. His criminal organisation intact. No civilian casualties. A powerful mystical artefact under lock and key.

And all because of these meddling kids.

Despite technically going against orders by stealing, er – retrieving the aforementioned artefact and all that, Batman had actually spared them some of his hard earned praise.

"You're getting better," he'd said.

Unless one had actually been in the Batman's presence, it was impossible to truly understand how _monumental_ that was.

And yet, strangely, neither Wally or Robin were _truly_ happy.

Because, despite all of their apparent success the real question had yet to be answered. Oh, and the question wasn't even "What was Artemis's secret?" any more. Oh no. That was as nothing, a mere mote, compared to the truly important matter:

Who. Was. Right?

They had to know.

XxXxX

After the debriefing, the team had wandered into the general room. Kaldur had collapsed on the arm chair in that constantly flowing way of his while Superboy took his spot on the couch. Belatedly, he realized the remote was on the other side of the coffee table and glared at it. Megan noticed and telekinetically gave it to him as she moved to the kitchen. He smiled his thanks, and she ducked into the doorway of the fridge to hide her blush. Artemis rolled her eyes good-naturedly and bumped the Martian girl aside to grab a soda before sitting up on the counter.

Wally and Robin had brought up the rear of the procession, hanging back at the doorway a moment. They shot each other dissatisfied glares. The hand print on Robin's face had lessened some, but still visible. Wally had nearly fainted in relief that Batman hadn't asked about it.

Then Wally actually _saw_ the light bulb go off above the boy's head. A slow grin crept onto the Boy Wonder's face, and Wally backed away into the room, matching its pace.

"Where ya goin', Wally? We got unfinished business."

"Eep!"

Wally zipped across the room as far as he could get from his justifiably vengeful friend. He held up a hand. "Just wait, Rob."

"You're not going to weasel out of this."

At this point, their conversation drew the team's attention away from their own tasks and to the pair. What were they going on about now?

"I'm not," he insisted. "I just need a minute."

"To run away?"

"Of course not!"

"Would either of you," Kaldur began wearily, "care to explain what you are talking about?"

"See this?" Robin pointed to the mark. "Wally did it."

Megan gasped. "Wally! Why would you do that to Robin? He's your friend."

"No, Meg, it's not like that! I got a little…carried away."

"You think?" Robin shot back, turning to Kaldur. "Wally prematurely delivered his slap, without the consent of the bet commissioner and under false pretences. How do you rule?"

Kaldur looked between the stone-faced Robin and the anxious-looking Wally, incredulous. "You are both still on about that?"

"Uh, yeah?"

"About what exactly?" Artemis asked, suspicious.

When both boys looked hesitant to reply, Megan felt obligated to inform her. "I think this is that bet they were doing before."

"So I was right. It was some weird, boy thing," she smirked, in that self-congratulatory way of hers, "What was the bet about?"

"Um…you."

She frowned. "What?"

"Robin bet Wally that the reason you were acting so strangely about the mission because of a lover that you left behind, and Wally said that it was because King Philip was your father."

Artemis merely looked between the boys and offered a non-committal grunt before sipping at her drink.

"That's all you have to say?" Wally asked, edging on outrage. "Aren't you going to tell us which one is right?"

"Hadn't planned on it."

Oh, there it was! That smug, little twist of her lips. That thing she called a smile. He very suddenly missed the quiet Artemis. Sure, it creeped him out, but a quiet Artemis was a nice Artemis.

"All I know," Robin said, "is that I'm owed two slaps for that little stunt of yours, "he titled his head. "That reminds me…"

He said no more and proceeded to remove his gloves with great ceremony and laid them across the back of the couch. He stepped forward, grinning as he marched across the room. As he walked, he flexed the fingers of his right hand, then clenched them repeatedly.

"Is this normal for Earth boys?" Megan whispered.

"The scary thing? Yes. And it gets _worse_ with age," Artemis answered, full of worldly wisdom.

Finally, Robin stopped before the taller teen.

"'Sup, buddy," he said, with a congenial nod.

Wally rolled his eyes. "Just get it over w-"

Robin's right hand shot out, striking Wally left cheek so hard it twisted his head around. The sound echoed through the whole of the base, and Batman deliberately ignored it. He then delivered a back hand across the other cheek, leaving Wally with a stinging, red print on each side of his face.

With a blink, Wally had left the room, distant cursing and yells of pain could be heard as it echoed through the mountain. Batman ignored that, too. While Wally did that, Robin cackled madly. This feeling…it was truly euphoric. Even more so because Wally had deserved it. Man. How much better would it have been if he'd been right?

As his laughter died down, he remembered those discs he'd picked up. With the girls and boys returning to their own business once again, Robin pulled them out and looked them over. They were all labelled. '2007 Bellhaven', '09 Thermopylae', ''10 Brogia', '05 Bialyia'. Well…that one might be interesting. It was before their little trip, but it might have some information on it. He flipped through to the last one. It read: 'The Marriage/Crock-San Dego'. Robin blinked. Crock. Artemis Crock. His eyes flicked to the girl sitting on the counter and grinned.

He was right. It went beyond his scope of things, with her being married, but damn, you couldn't much more of a lover than a husband! Completely disregarding the legalities of the matter, he hopped up from the slouch he'd taken against the wall the moment Wally came back. In just a moment, he'd be running back out of here again, his tail tucked between his legs. At the same time, they started walking towards each other.

"All right, Rob. I gotta hand it to you. That was a pretty good –"

This time, a loud scream accompanied the blow. Batman didn't even acknowledge he'd heard anything this time. In the general room, Wally was moaning on the ground, holding his right cheek. Everyone stared at the pair, as Robin had once again, began laughing.

"I am confused," Megan said, voicing pretty much everyone's thoughts.

"I'm in pain!" Wally yelled. "Dude, what is your deal?"

"This," Robin held the disc above Wally's face, "is my deal, bro."

Robin watched his eyes as they read the label. "…that's just not fair."

"What is it?" Superboy asked.

Triumphantly, Robin held the disc up for all to see. That resulted in Artemis, who was unfortunately taking a long swallow of her soda, choking and spewing the rest out of her mouth. She coughed and spluttered a moment before rasping out,

"Where did you get that?"

"Secret gold room," he supplied happily.

He moved towards the tv.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Proving once and for all that Wally's wrong, I'm right, and…Wally's wrong. Problem?"

"Don't put that in!"

"Well…" as he spoke, he continued to move steadily forward.

"Robin…"

He turned around and began walking backwards, keeping his eyes on Artemis.

"Look, it's just a formality. It's nothing personal," his back touched the tv screen. While she couldn't see his hands, he traced where the dvd player was located, "and I'm sure you're still trying to move on with your life after everything you've went through. I can respect that, Artemis. Really."

Artemis shot off the counter top, pointing at him, and fury in her eyes. "Robin, if you hit play, I will kill you. I mean actually put arrows in you until you're a corpse."

He stepped to the side, hand hovering near the play button.

"I'm sorry, Artemis. Really, I am," he looked down solemnly. Then he looked back up, smiling brightly. "You'll feel better once you've shared your secret!"

He hit play and started to run. Behind him, he could hear... music. Mozart. Ah, the Marriage of Figaro. He _knew _it! He risked turning around, preparing to gloat, and then he saw that the screen was filled... with Ballet. Robin stopped dead. For right front and centre was undoubtedly a younger Artemis Crock, completely done up in a white leotard, and short, fluffy tutu.

"Oh…it's the Marriage of _Figarro_ _starring_ you…damn it."

For a few seconds, everyone held a stunned silence. Until Wally poorly tried to muffle a laugh. To his credit, he tried. Not all that hard, but still. Then Artemis jumped across the screen in a pirouette, high def and everything, and he lost it. Wally laughed, loud and from the belly. He rolled with it, tears forming in his eyes. It was fortunate he was already on the ground, else he'd fallen over anyway.

Artemis held herself, muscles tight and ready to strike. Her face flamed red, in merry contrast to her costume. Rage and embarrassment came off of her in waves, and from the way the Boy Wonder was trying to ghost out of the room, he noticed.

"Wow, Artemis," Megan said. "I didn't know you could dance so well. It's beautiful."

Kaldur, seeing the minute way the archer relaxed at the praise, offered his opinion as well.

"Indeed. It reminds me of the dances at Atlantis. Even the Royal dancers would be jealous of your grace."

Her breathing was still very rushed, shallow and through her nose. He cued Superboy with his eyes.

"It's really good," he said. "Why don't you dance anymore?"

The entire time, Artemis had been watching Robin try to ease his way to the door. At the question, she flicked her eyes to Superboy momentarily, but they went back to Robin.

"Because it's stupid, and I don't want to. The only reason I did it that time was because me and my mom needed the money to get home, and that one had a reward."

"Then how do you know the ballet?"

"I just memorized the moves and the order. I was never trained in ballet."

By this time, Wally had worked himself down to chuckles and clutching his stomach.

Superboy frowned. "Why didn't your dad help you?"

This time, Superboy had her full attention.

"My father isn't exactly…supportive."

An understanding passed between the two before Superboy stood. He dropped the remote control onto the couch and walked out of the room, careful to avoid stepping on Wally. A moment later, Artemis left as well, making sure to deliver a quick kick to Wally's side. The air was tense after that.

Wally hated tension. He resolved to relieve it.

"So, Rob, you have to feel like an idiot right now."

What better way than starting a fight? Thankfully, Robin caught on.

"You have to feel like that all the time. Gotta say, that must suck."

"You suck."

"Really? That's the best you can do?"

"Oh, you wanna see what I can do?"

"Bring it, bro!"

Mozart played in the background. As Wally sprang to his feet, Kaldur cleared his throat.

"Before either of you 'bring it', there is the matter of your forfeits."

"What?" they asked in unison.

"Neither of you were right, yet you both acted without my judgment in dealing out your…slaps on both occasions. As per the rules, you both warrant penalties."

Before either culprit could wonder just how Kaldur knew the rules, (they hadn't done a good job of detailing his job) Kaldur rose from his chair with the air of a judge. "I will take the time to convene before deciding your punishments."

As Kaldur left the room, the boys felt very much like they'd been sent to their rooms 'to wait until Dad came home.' Megan was the only one with them now, but she floated from around the counter.

"I think I'll go check on Superboy."

With that, she left, never noticing the dejected look on Wally's face at that statement.

Robin sighed. "Well…"

"Yeah…"

They glanced at each other, looking over the hand prints on each other's faces. Wally pointed at them. "Are we cool?"

"We're cool," Robin said, offering his hand.

Wally grasped his forearm and pulled him forward into a bro hug, with two quick thumps on the back. He stepped back and went to the kitchen.

"Wanna sandwich?"

"Sure. I feel like I haven't eaten in hours."

And just like that, things were as they were. The bet was settled, mostly. Neither was right, both were wrong. They could live with that.

XxXxX

Twenty minutes later, Robin was pacing the length of the room while Wally continued to demolish the stores of food the mountain had.

"Relax, Robin. There's a reason I chose Kal to be the bet commissioner." Wally grinned, confidently. "He doesn't like practical jokes, and he is too dignified to get us to do anything embarrassing. He'll just give us a stern look, a slap on the wrists, and tell us not to do it again."

Robin stopped mid-step. "You…have a point."

He started to relax. Maybe Wally was right. He was getting freaked over nothing. Kaldur just wasn't the type to do that.

They both looked toward the hall as footsteps preceded Kaldur into the room. Wally turned his easy grin into a suitably contrite expression.

"It has taken me some time to come to a suitable reprimand for the both of you. Nothing I could think of quite fit. And then I realised: I am not the best person to choose a penalty for you both. I, after all, am not the offended party. Fortunately, we all know who is."

Wally gave Robin a look. He didn't like where this was going.

Kaldur smiled, slightly. "Artemis had... a great many ideas."

XxXxX

They stared. They pointed. They took pictures and didn't even have the decency to try and hide their laughter. The jerks.

As it turned out, one of Artemis' 'great many ideas' was targeted towards their dignity. She'd been embarrassed because of them so why not return in kind. Both boys agreed though that this…this was scarring them for life.

Somehow, someway, Artemis had gotten ahold of…the Shorts. Those ugly, horrid, orange short shorts from the school. For the entirety of their time at Mt. Justice, Wally and Robin had to wear them for a set number of hours. And it _just_ so happened that Green Arrow had dropped by. When he saw them, he nearly died laughing, tears leaking from his eyes. He, in turn, just _had _to call Black Canary, the Hawks, Green Lantern, and everyone else he had on speed dial.

If this didn't convince people that Artemis was the spawn of evil, Wally didn't know what would! He could actually feel pieces of himself dying on the inside with each jeer from his childhood heroes. He saw pieces of his hopes for respect and to be seen as an equal shatter to the ground. It felt like high school. Robin just took all of it in stride. When Wally asked what was up with him, he just said,

"You are disturbing my happy place."

That kid was so weird.

Now, they were hiding in one of the lesser used areas of the mountain, away from teammates and leaguers.

"Don't they have people to save or something? Isn't there some psycho villain holding some school kids hostage somewhere? A forest on fire? Anything?" Wally griped.

Robin was typing something into his minicomputer. "Unfortunately, no. I checked."

Wally groaned in annoyance and pulled at the shorts. They kept riding up.

"How much longer do we have to go through this?"

"Just another... six hours."

"Great."

"…Rob. Tell me about this happy place of yours.

XxXxX

Don Bartholomew switched off the television set and sighed. The court had been a shambles, but it seemed that the damning evidence had eroded his dear old friend King Philip's public support, and without that, he would certainly be going to jail for a long time. His criminal career was over.

It was a shame, of course. But, he reminded himself, in every misfortune there was an opportunity.

He smiled. Intergang had called him the day it had happened. Explained to him the opportunities available from co-operation instead of conflict. He had listened. It made sense. And while King Philip had been an admirable man in some ways, he had such foolishly... moral objections to some extremely profitable things. The margins in human trafficking alone would make him rich beyond all of his dreams of avarice.

Oh, and Intergang had assured him that the school King Philip had started would need a new patron. Someone who would be willing to be more... involved. Hands on. His smiled deepened. That was very promising too. He reached for the brandy decanter on his desk.

"I think it's time you gave up."

Batholomew spun around. He could see nothing. "Who is there- How dare you?"

A small boy stepped. The diminutive size of the child helped overcome his fear.

"This is my home and private property. You can't just-"

"Oh, but I can. I did. And trust me; you'll thank me for it. You see, I thought you'd rather talk to me, than... well, I can't say talk to my friends. None of them are the talking type."

"Who are you?"

"My name's Robin. I bring a message from The Batman."

Don Bartholomew's eyes widened. Everyone knew of the Batman. And it was not a name you took in vain. Ever. "Y-you can't threaten me, I've done nothing wrong-"

"Again, you don't seem to understand how '_can't'_ means. Cannot: the inability to get something done. I _can_ threaten you. But I won't. I will, however, make you some promises. There is a very big difference between the words. It's important that you actually know them." The boy smiled. "Now, see, your old friend King Philip, he was a criminal. But he had _some_ standards. Not like you. You're just…scum."

"How dare you-"

"You don't speak again. Until I say you can. Or you'll regret it."

The Don felt ridiculous, taking orders from a boy less than half his size, and less than a quarter of his weight. But somehow, he spoke with such a... certainty that the alternative did not seem worth contemplating.

"I'm going to make this clear to you: you made a _bad_ mistake at that last fund-raiser. You spoke to one of our friends in a way that was…overly familiar. We didn't like that. It made us notice you. And now, _everyone_ at that school has us for a friend. So, here's what you're going to do. First thing tomorrow, you are going to give your entire ill-gotten fortune to that school's endowment fund. And then you're never going to go anywhere near it again. If you're stupid enough to forget that, well... "

The boy stepped closer. He laid a magazine on the Don's desk. It was one of the glossy super-hero magazines, opened to the centre pages. He indicated each person he spoke off in turn.

"You see Kid Flash there? You _really_ upset him. He will run along the equator with your face against the ground. Till all the skin is gone. Then he's going to give you to Superboy, who is a simple soul, and he is just going to beat the crud out of you. Then, he's going to give what's left of you to Aqualad, and- Wow. You should have seen how angry he was. I don't quite understand all of what he had planned, because most of it was in Atlantean, but I do know that it involved sharks, octopods, and jellyfish. As for me, I'll just register you as a sex offender, then leave you outside the FBI headquarters with photos of the Directors grandchildren in your pockets." Robin smiled at the Don. It was not a pleasant smile. "Hell. If I have so much as a bad day, I'll probably do that anyway, you perverted, waste of human life."

Don Bartholomew couldn't speak. The beats of sweat the rolled of him, for once, had nothing to do with corpulence, and everything to do with fear.

"Remember this. You're being watched. Always. And you really should stop drinking. The alcohol eats holes into your brain, you know."

Don Bartholomew could have sworn that he had only blinked, but when he opened his eyes, the ghastly apparition... was gone. And even though he was alone in his study, it was some time before he calmed down enough to even turn away from the window. Try as he may to tell himself it was all some nightmare, he knew better. His entire frame shook. When he picked up the phone to make a suddenly urgent phone call, it took him four attempts to dial the right number.

The voice on the other end of the line was French.

"Tell them I have... reconsidered. Life is too short for such dangerous pursuits. I feel they would be wise to do the same."

XxXxX

A/N: BAHAHAHAHAHA! We did it! Wow, am I impressed with us! Me and the right Honorable Marquis of Suck (he's not quite a prince) had some communication issues, and just finished chapters these today. Almost thought we weren't gonna make it. Hopefully, our finals will go well, despite our neglect!

DreamR, win or not, stress and all, it's been fun working with you.

A note from DreamRabbit: We made it... we made it? Really? *cough* I mean, I was never in any doubt. Not at all...

Anyway, despite the above mentioned issues, this was a ton of fun. Foxtrot is a delight to write with, as I'm sure any of you who have, or who will have that opportunity will agree with me.

I hope you enjoyed our story, and a final thought: dear readers, always, always, /always/ check your spam folders. You'll be glad you did.


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